Something in the ether

I get a call, out of the blue, from a very nice American girl called Shana (say it Shay-na). She works for the BBC, producing the Dave Monk Radio Show on BBC Essex. Do I want to go on the show & talk about why men are cooking more these days & what's caused this shift in attitude?

Brain stops working in a moment of blind panic. Me, on the radio? What if I make a fool of myself, don't know the answers or swear a lot, goes through my head.

"Umm. Sure. When we're you thinking?"

"Tomorrow, about 10.30."

"Err. OK. See you then"

So, I'm going on the radio. To be the 'expert'. I'm settling down a little bit now, maybe it will be OK, or at least not bad. And I'd quite like to see the inside of a studio & find out how it all works. Quick bit of research on the net & some scribbled notes about what I must mention (website, phone number, courses that are coming up) & I'm set. I tell the wife. She says she always thought I had a face for radio. Nice.

I get there, bright & early. Good job too, because there's nowhere to park. Eventually I chance it in the BBC car park, in front of a sign on a door that reads, loud & clear, "Do not obstruct this door." Oh well, they invited me.

I go in, introduce myself to the very nice receptionist & have a coffee, while getting more & more nervous all over again. This is a long way outside my comfort zone. She tells me not to worry, Dave is really very nice. Shana comes down & says Hi. She's really nice too. Olly comes along and stops for a chat. What do you know, he's really nice too! Except all this niceness isn't helping. I'm in a feedback loop - all these people telling me not to worry is just making me worry. Stop it!

Then I'm left to sit for a bit, because I am early. Apparently that's unusual, but then this radio fame lark hasn't gone to my head yet. Some other parts of me for sure, but not my head.

I try to make some notes, or read my old notes. But in the end, I just sit there wondering why on Earth I agreed to do this. Then, it's time. I'm on. Shana takes me in to the studio, introduces me to Dave who is manning a desk with hundreds of buttons & lights all over it with the skill & speed of a teenager texting, while also talking to his invisible listeners, taking instructions from Shana & scanning his emails. Who said men can't multi task?

Everyone's right though, he is really nice. We have a little chat, he plays some music, then we have another chat, but this time I realise we're on air. Then that's it, it's over, I'm shaking his hand & leaving. Wow, that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. In fact, I was pretty good.

Except as I leave, the nice lady at the front desk is on the phone to someone who has called in because we didn't read out the web address, or the phone number, or what classes we had coming up. Oh bugger.

Reality Bites

Now we've delivered our first classes, got some great feedback & some nice pictures of classes on the go to put on our website. I feel like we should lift off like a rocket now, only we don't.

I am not sure why, after all, I've just proved we're bloody good at this haven't I? Except we're not really selling that much. Oh, sure, we get a few orders for olive oil, balsamic & truffle honey. We've even sold places on classes in August & September & some gift vouchers, it just isn't performing like I had imagined.

Time for a reality check;

It's a great idea, we deliver a great experience, offer great value & have had great feed back. It's all great except for our sales. Which aren't. Why?

I ask around, I go to seminars & networking events. I talk to copywriters & designers, ad sales people & the one journalist I know. Consensus is that we are actually doing pretty well by some measures - 30 odd places sold from less than 300 contacts is pretty good, I'm told. But by other yardsticks, we've barely got off the ground. Take that 300 contacts. 3 months & "how much money?" to get 300 registrations on our website is quite poor. In fact, it's really really poor. You can't just place an ad & expect it to work, there's a science to it. I should have been gathering names since I first had the idea, before if possible. This is a numbers game & you need a bigger number than 300. Well, when you put it like that, it's obvious.

Sometimes it's easy to overlook the simple things. To miss the wood because of all the trees that are in the way. And sometimes you are so distracted imagining the magnificent forest that you forget all you've really done is plant a few acorns.

Now I need to water & feed them. That means looking at the marketing, which I clearly don't know anything about because what we have tried so far hasn't worked. I need to learn a lifetime of marketing in about a week & become a PR guru even quicker.

Anyone know Matthew Freud?

We're cooking on gas!

Oh boy, that was fun!

Finally, after all that went before, we got it done, dusted & (almost) finished & held our 1st class. & our 2nd, 3rd, 4th & 5th.

And what a blast they were. I had fun, Tracy (our chef) had fun, but most importantly, all the customers had fun too. We got some some 'whoop de doo' feedback, which you can read about HERE & some great photos of people having a ball while learning something they can use for the rest of their life.

More importantly, we proved the concept works;

• We can deliver the course format in the time limit
  
• Everyone gets enough attention from our chef to be able to create the days menu
  
• We can send our guests home with a fantastic 3 course meal for 4, within the class price
  
• Everyone, including the already good cooks, learnt something to make them better
  

Now we're cooking!

If a picture's worth a thousand words...

... then this is War & Peace!

Sigh of Relief

OK. Problem solved. Not easily, but solved.

In the words of Big E we

"just had to 'nut' the housings down a bit, adjust the under oven drawer a gnat's & then line the cupboard doors up."

Simple really.

So that was that one sorted. Took a while mind, but it's sorted. Big E then got busy doing a few other minor little things, like remaking 2 cupboard doors because the German appliances don't fit in the Swedish appliance housings! This involved lots of big power tools & a bit more of the Big E magic. Blinding.

I wasn't stood around watching during this phase either. I was busy 'adjusting' the trunking so that the dishwasher would fit in the hole. I chose to do this by squeezing my large frame into a small hole & slicing my fingers to bits on the jagged sharp edges. Job well done that.

Only thing left is to convert the gas hob to LPG, connect it up & sign it off. Oh, & install the steam oven when it gets here, but who's worried about that? I just need to get some customers now so I can pay for it all

Spoke too Soon!

Look. Someone's mucking me about now & they'd better stop it, or else.

The ovens have arrived, we put them in the oven housing, which, as the name might imply, is a housing designed for an oven, & they don't bloody fit. We can get them in, but then they push the hobs out of the worktop. Grrrr!

OK. Deep breaths. Calm now.

Checked the install instructions. Again.

For the hobs, they read ' if installing above a built in oven, the minimum worktop thickness required is 30mm.' Measured worktop - it's 40mm. Ovens & hobs are both the same make, from the same range, so I assume they should fit when installed together. But they don't. The hobs are too bloody deep for the oven to fit. Now what do we do?

I'll let you know when we've worked it out. Bugger.

Nearly There

The end is in sight. At last.

Kitchen is looking great - pics to follow soon. Units are up, tilings done, hoods are hanging, sparks are flying. All we need is some cookers to cook with.

We've had the hobs delivered, a fantastic coffee machine, top of the range microwave/combi oven thing and a big fridge freezer. Which almost didn't fit up the stairs. Well, actually, it didn't fit, but where there's a will there's a way, and no way was it going back.

At least we didn't damage it. And if there were some minor 'adjustments' made to the building, well, we had builders on site so we could adjust it back afterwards. Don't think the fridge freezer will ever come out again though.

Still waiting for the ovens, but I've just made a call to the very helpful Anne-Marie, who assures me that delivery is on for tomorrow. Sometime between 8am & 6pm. Guess I know where I'll be then.

Anyway, assuming the ovens do arrive tomorrow, I can start really pushing to sell places on our courses. I've been a bit hesitant until now because I don't really like the idea of having to call people up & bump them to another date - just seems like poor service to me, but despite that we have sold a couple of places already. Good stuff.

So, all that's left to do is... everything else. Plus, find the money to pay for it all.